HOW TO READ

It seems every writer's website has a page with advice on how to write. But if you start writing, people might read your books and not mine. That’s not good. Well, maybe it’s good for you, but not for me. No, I want you to read, read, read. So here is my advice on how to read. I hope this is helpful.

1. Turn on a light. First, turn off all the lamps in the room and read a book. Then, turn on all the lamps and read the same book. This experiment proves that it is much easier to read with the lights on, unless you’re a bat because bats can see in the dark. But most bats can’t read, so what good does it do them?

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2. Read every day. If you go a long time between reading stuff, you might forget your letters. Like this one: S. Sure, you know it now because you’re reading this website, but if you didn’t read you might forget. Since the letter S is very popular, that would make things hard to read. In fact, I’ve used the letter fifteen times in this paragraph alone.

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3. Start a reading group. You and your friends read one of my books and then get together to talk about it. This might sound boring, but if you and nine friends read my book that means I sell ten copies of my book and make a lot of money. Plus, instead of talking about the book you eat brownies and play video games, but Mom doesn’t mind because you’re in a book club. It’s win-win!

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4. Write something. After reading for a while you might get the urge to write something yourself. All great writers read all the time. The secret is to start small. Don’t try and write a 3,000-page novel the first day. You might hurt yourself. Many great writers start by scribbling grocery lists, notes that say “Keep out of my room,” and writing their name on a sack lunch. Try one of those first.

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5. Wear clown shoes. OK, there is no reason to wear clown shoes while reading. I was just curious if you would read the entire list.